Hello one, and hello all, it’s that time again for…. RUMOR. MAN. PETE.
The feedback on the first column back was great, so I’ve decided to do half the work of the last article and coast the success of my UWA website debut of last week.
- The folks at TMZ have caught wind that the questionable lucha libre, El Que? has been invited to take part in next seasons Dancing with Stars. The UWA superstar, and man behind the successful Kitty Burrito reportedly told paparazzi “Excited am I for this great experience! Around the world they will chant my name. From my impressive wrestling moves, to my stunning looks, I will make the women weak in the knees! For sore knees though, I take Tylenol Pain Reliever! It takes 4 Advil to match the strength of all new Tylenol. Tylenol, trusted in more E.R. than other medicine!”
- To squash the rumor, UWA is not in contract negotiations with former UWA Champion Sizzlin’ Steve Anderson. At last check Anderson is still awaiting trial in New Hampshire for screaming obscenities at the deaf and flashing the blind.
- Recent buzz backstage is that UWA superstar Joshua Burns has been sleeping with a member of the Championship Committee. While many are not sure who it is, they feel sooner or later a rash or sore will appear, putting the spotlight right on them. As of now, there are no rules against interaction between wrestlers and board committee members…
- UWA Albuquerque Champion was on The View this past Monday to promote the promotion. During the interview The Fallen slapped Barbra Walter, dry humped Starr Jones leg and molested an 84-year old audience member before finally being asked to leave. The Fallen reportedly became irate and took a shit on the set’s coffee table before being escorted out by Mrs. Walters.
- “The Eastside Brick Wall” Hugh Flynt was asked to tone down his aggressive style in the ring. From what I’ve heard Flynt responded to the request by a member of the championship committee by literally shoving his shoe up the individuals ass. Flynt avoided sexual charges by promising to call the person tomorrow (as per Iowa law).
- From what I’ve heard, High Times was looking to do an interview with W.E.E.D. but soon realized the individuals where not smoking weed, but instead lawn clippings. Many are calling it a placebo high and a breakthrough in a new way to get high - look for it be made illegal next week.
That’s it, they pay me by the word, 25cents to be exact!
439 words x 25 cents = 109 dollars!
Rumor Man Pete
